His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize