Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
