just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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