we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
