i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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