You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
