He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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