): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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