No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
