How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
