$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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