That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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