I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
