Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
