no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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