I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
