She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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