I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
