It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
