i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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