I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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