So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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