I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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