Your face is a jimmy john
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Everyone says I win the strip club
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize