PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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