we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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