Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
