we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
