New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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