Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
