Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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