ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Farmville is her only friend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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