Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
