She's JV to your varsity
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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