lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize