i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
