Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
