If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
