So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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