Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
