Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
