Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
