Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
