Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
