I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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