Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bring money and cleavage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
