so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
