I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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