So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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