I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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