yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
