I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
