i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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