i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
