Just fell off a train. Bad.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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