He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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