some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
