Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
