White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
