So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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