He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
