She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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