omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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