Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
