I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
