Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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