I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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