omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
