when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
