Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
