honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
