I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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