Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
